No work for me, no work for me, no work for meeeeeeeeeee!! I'm done done done done DONE!

I was done Friday. But it only fully sank in when I woke slowly and languidly at half-past nine.

So much time. All of it mine. So many things I could do. Could, but don't have to. It's just so fucking splendid.

I may make a pot of tea. I may go to Oswego and buy some plants or flowers. I may go out with my camera and photograph the world.

Or I may do nothing at all.

Such fabulous choices.

I want to see the world in sepia tones.

It hurts to breathe. It's easy to blame the heat. Deflect. Not the truth. I feel alone. I feel afraid.

I have new plants and a pot of beautiful white flowers and nothing.

I miss her. A her with many names. Some I don't know. Some I've forgotten.

I want a dimmer switch for emotion. I want a break from existence. I want to be comfortably numb. To feel nothing.

If only for a moment. A moment is all I ask.