eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

There was no brilliance, but Chaucer is over and was not half bad. One down, one to go.

I did not sleep well. I had vivid dreams of inconsiderate friends, people who are rarely inconsiderate in reality, and I screamed and screamed. I dreamed of a boy I sorta-kinda-barely knew in high school, the flamingest boy I've ever known who was, nevertheless, not out. I had a deep platonic crush on him; he was a sweet boy who once sang "My Heart Will Go On" in a National Honor Society induction hazing. In my dream he was out. He also went to Princeton. I do not think he really went there. We held hands. I am a great fan of platonic romances, even in dreams.

Woke to an unwelcome alarm, sweaty and tired and unhappy to be awake. I desperately want a shower, but that will have to wait.

I suddenly miss boys. Not all of them, but a few. Boys like the few I knew in high school who were worth knowing. Most of them were gay. This is the source of my gay male bias, I believe. It is unscientific in the extreme but it's there nonetheless. Gay=good, for boys, for me.

It is very nice to be me right now, as in I am DONE and I can now PACK and think about going HOME where I will do hours of NOTHING except perfect the art of LOUNGING so I can be an expert when I visit L's lovely soft-couched home by the beautiful sea. (She has promised to serve me food on trays, as I am so taken with the entire idea.)

Yes, good to be me.

Although it might be better to be N, who saw Matt Damnon TWICE and MUST die for this. Unless she manages to secure one of the pictures her friend took. Then I shall forgive her.

I can't fucking believe it's the end of junior year. I am in fact quite looking forward to senior year - N and E will be back and we'll have such fun, and L and E and I will own the fourth floor, oh yes we will - but it's all going too fast.

But happy thoughts. Happy thoughts! I am done. There's a happy thought.

A bah on Buffy which is much, much easier to watch slightly drunk, I think. And bah on sweet lesbian sex afterglow scenes that make me feel sad. Bah I say.

I helped L procrastinate. I feel rather guilty.

I can't pack. It is physically impossible. Plus I have no boxes, I realized. Must rectify this with a trip to JMG tomorrow.

I'm going to be a player next year, I decided. If I can't get steady loving I'll settle for meaningless sex. I'm desperate.

I still do love UPN, if only for the lack of censorship thing. I've almost taken it for granted that it's perfectly normal to see two women naked under the sheets and making with the kissing and sexual innuendo. Then I read something about *last* week's episode being censored in some states (wonder where that could be) and thought, shit. Wonder what they'll do to THIS week's.

Doesn't make me any happier about the episode. But.

I think I'll change my icons to the all-scully all-the-time show now. Because packing is silly, and showering involves standing up.