I've made it through an entire day, so far, without obsessing over which Americorps programs to apply to. I credit such discipline to the fact that I actually slept last night.
My mother and my therapist both think Americorps is an excellent idea, which is reassurance enough for me.
Actually, my therapist made me see it the way it is, really; she asked what I thought I would get out of having a "regular" job as opposed to doing Americorps. I thought about it for a long time, and all I came up was, "um... knowing someone thought I was competent enough to hire?" Whereas with Americorps, it's health insurance (SUCH a big one, that), pride, a job with more diversity, challenge, and learning experiences than any I'm likely to get otherwise, and probably the chance to work with kids, which, honestly, I loved a hell of a lot and really, really miss.
Oh, yes, and it won't look terrible on my law school apps.
Apparently my face "lights up" when I discuss law school. Joy told me over IM last night that she could really see me as a lawyer, which meant more to me than it probably should, and I'm probably more defensive about this choice than I really need to be. But I'm aware of how out of character and sudden the decision was, and if I were anyone but me I'd probably be doubting my reasons too. It's just hard to explain to anyone that my main reason for knowing this is the right choice is that it feels right. I've considered a hell of a lot of career options, many of which that would have made more obvious sense. Many of them were appealing, hypothetically, but I was never really attached to any of them, either. I never had any certainty that such-and-such career choice was *it* for me. I never had the certainty that I had when I first thought hey, what about law school?
So *I'm* confident in my choice and I really just need to stop wondering if everyone else is waiting for me to change my mind. (And waiting to say "I told you so.")
It is a little strange how excited I am about it when it wasn't even on my horizon three months ago. But it's getting me through my last semester with drive and a work ethic because now my GPA actually counts for something. I keep reading all these online journals of current law students and getting all excited and wishing I were going next year. But no, I just get the fun and exciting process of *applying* to law schools next year. And the LSATs, can't forget the joy that will be those.
But yeah, kids. The sort of work I'd be doing with kids in an Americorps program would probably be more challenging than what I did at the camp, where most of the kids came from stable upper class homes. I like challenges with kids, though. I can't describe this without sounding sick and sappy, but the way I've felt lately, I really miss the way working with kids made me feel. Sure they're frustrating, but they're rewarding in a way nothing else has ever been. They make me hopeful, they make me care in a way that I never seem to anymore, they're infectiously enthusiastic. I'm still tempted by AVAP, because it's all about criminal justice and hello criminal law is what I want to DO,, but the conflict of its end date and my law school start date will probably make my acceptance highly improbable. So, kids. Yeah.
I was getting terribly excited about living in an apartment today, which was a nice change from just worrying about everything like I usually do. But I want a kitchen! I want pans and dishes! And an ironing board! I will *really* feel grown up if I have my own ironing board.
My mother and my therapist both think Americorps is an excellent idea, which is reassurance enough for me.
Actually, my therapist made me see it the way it is, really; she asked what I thought I would get out of having a "regular" job as opposed to doing Americorps. I thought about it for a long time, and all I came up was, "um... knowing someone thought I was competent enough to hire?" Whereas with Americorps, it's health insurance (SUCH a big one, that), pride, a job with more diversity, challenge, and learning experiences than any I'm likely to get otherwise, and probably the chance to work with kids, which, honestly, I loved a hell of a lot and really, really miss.
Oh, yes, and it won't look terrible on my law school apps.
Apparently my face "lights up" when I discuss law school. Joy told me over IM last night that she could really see me as a lawyer, which meant more to me than it probably should, and I'm probably more defensive about this choice than I really need to be. But I'm aware of how out of character and sudden the decision was, and if I were anyone but me I'd probably be doubting my reasons too. It's just hard to explain to anyone that my main reason for knowing this is the right choice is that it feels right. I've considered a hell of a lot of career options, many of which that would have made more obvious sense. Many of them were appealing, hypothetically, but I was never really attached to any of them, either. I never had any certainty that such-and-such career choice was *it* for me. I never had the certainty that I had when I first thought hey, what about law school?
So *I'm* confident in my choice and I really just need to stop wondering if everyone else is waiting for me to change my mind. (And waiting to say "I told you so.")
It is a little strange how excited I am about it when it wasn't even on my horizon three months ago. But it's getting me through my last semester with drive and a work ethic because now my GPA actually counts for something. I keep reading all these online journals of current law students and getting all excited and wishing I were going next year. But no, I just get the fun and exciting process of *applying* to law schools next year. And the LSATs, can't forget the joy that will be those.
But yeah, kids. The sort of work I'd be doing with kids in an Americorps program would probably be more challenging than what I did at the camp, where most of the kids came from stable upper class homes. I like challenges with kids, though. I can't describe this without sounding sick and sappy, but the way I've felt lately, I really miss the way working with kids made me feel. Sure they're frustrating, but they're rewarding in a way nothing else has ever been. They make me hopeful, they make me care in a way that I never seem to anymore, they're infectiously enthusiastic. I'm still tempted by AVAP, because it's all about criminal justice and hello criminal law is what I want to DO,, but the conflict of its end date and my law school start date will probably make my acceptance highly improbable. So, kids. Yeah.
I was getting terribly excited about living in an apartment today, which was a nice change from just worrying about everything like I usually do. But I want a kitchen! I want pans and dishes! And an ironing board! I will *really* feel grown up if I have my own ironing board.
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