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drown out the voices, drown out the fears
Had an unexpected visit from the tow-headed toddler I call my nephew this morning/afternoon, but the rest of the day has staled now that he's left. My mother has a better social life than I currently do. No one that I would actually want to do social-type things with is home. And we all know that I do not converse with answering machines.
Last night was another Parent's Night, which meant that I was at camp All Day. I capitalize randomly for emphasis, because All Day in the Outdoors with Children at the End of the Week sounds like the title of a truly terrifying horror novel.
It also meant spending time in the woods at dusk, so now I have a dozen vicious new mosquito bites that no amount of Afterbite will ease.
I need to be clear: I do love my job. I am having a wonderful summer, it's been rewarding, yada yada. I have met interesting people.
I also discovered that children are very cool, sometimes very sad, and that I really should have just gone through life as a nine-year-old, because they simply have the most fun. I believe nine was my last year of happy innocence, indeed. Should have stayed. Growing up, for all its supposed privileges, has been far more trouble than it was worth.
But I am kind of bored. In a nontraditional sense. I love my job and have found that I like People after all and I sleep better and I'm Happy and I usually have just the right balance of free time and structured time - but. There is a certain lack of variety and diversity. I have not been Thinking. There is thinking and there is Thinking, and while I'm happier when I'm thinking, as I am now, there still exists that noticeable void that only Thinking fills. I have yet to determine whether I can just be happy with thinking and forget that I ever Thought. I tend to Think by default while at Smith, so it'll all be a moot point in twenty-four days.
Why yes, I am *am* counting.
I spent some time at the Iron Horse website and decided that I needed to do all of the things I meant to do as a college student and never got around to, because there's only a year left, and it's not even a real full year, and damn if that isn't kind of terrifying. But plans to enjoy frequent live music is a good start.
Twenty-four days. My but I'm eager. I do hope the people I can't wait to see are eager as well. I'd feel less foolish, at any rate.
Last night was another Parent's Night, which meant that I was at camp All Day. I capitalize randomly for emphasis, because All Day in the Outdoors with Children at the End of the Week sounds like the title of a truly terrifying horror novel.
It also meant spending time in the woods at dusk, so now I have a dozen vicious new mosquito bites that no amount of Afterbite will ease.
I need to be clear: I do love my job. I am having a wonderful summer, it's been rewarding, yada yada. I have met interesting people.
I also discovered that children are very cool, sometimes very sad, and that I really should have just gone through life as a nine-year-old, because they simply have the most fun. I believe nine was my last year of happy innocence, indeed. Should have stayed. Growing up, for all its supposed privileges, has been far more trouble than it was worth.
But I am kind of bored. In a nontraditional sense. I love my job and have found that I like People after all and I sleep better and I'm Happy and I usually have just the right balance of free time and structured time - but. There is a certain lack of variety and diversity. I have not been Thinking. There is thinking and there is Thinking, and while I'm happier when I'm thinking, as I am now, there still exists that noticeable void that only Thinking fills. I have yet to determine whether I can just be happy with thinking and forget that I ever Thought. I tend to Think by default while at Smith, so it'll all be a moot point in twenty-four days.
Why yes, I am *am* counting.
I spent some time at the Iron Horse website and decided that I needed to do all of the things I meant to do as a college student and never got around to, because there's only a year left, and it's not even a real full year, and damn if that isn't kind of terrifying. But plans to enjoy frequent live music is a good start.
Twenty-four days. My but I'm eager. I do hope the people I can't wait to see are eager as well. I'd feel less foolish, at any rate.
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AND i'm totally psyched about decorating my room! and seeing all my friends' rooms! and afternoon tea! and early morning tea, reading in the parlour.... and the haymarket, and the grocery store, walking to linsey's car in the freezing cold, shopping downtown for christmas presents when main street is all a-twinkle! oh and i can't even wait for classes! for reading interesting books whilst procrastinating essay writing, for standing in front of the heater with my shirt up to gather all the warmth whilst procrastinating essay writing. for shelving inthe library and communing with centuries of wisdom....
yes! i am SO, SO excited!!!!!!!!!!!
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ooh but what did you mean by: it won't be a real full year??? 'cause it's the last? i'm confused....
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