(no subject)

[ivyology]

The fireflies are out, just beyond my windows. They're blinking at me, tiny golden tentative smiles.

When I was very young, before we lived out here in the green-flushed wood and had all these little perks of rural life, we would go out to my aunt and uncle's house in Fair Haven in the summertime. Much of Oswego County is a tangle of woods and hills and farmland and fields. Driving home, at night, I was mesmerized by the staccato lights, and there is one memory I have of a field, a field completely filled with fireflies, a field rolling with waves of light.

My mother commented today that she can't wait to get out of the country. I don't know if she means that, if it isn't bitterness talking, or simply eagerness to get away from here, to get on with her life. This was her dream home. I know she has loved living here. But I know also that she has never loved these woods as much as I have.

I long for the walls of trees that surround this house, reaching for the sky, closing me in. And I long for the bareness of the desert, earth and sky and nothing in between. Lush and full, or elemental. I long for a paradise where I can have both, impossible though it might seem.

I am going to stop thinking now. I am getting redundant, and boring.

Comments

[chicklet.livejournal.com]

You're not being redundant, and you're certainly not boring! That was a beautiful post; I even added it to the "Really Good Writing" section of my memorable posts. (Hope that's okay.)

-Hillary

[ivyenglish.livejournal.com]

Of course it's ok. I'm flattered, actually. Honestly, the only reason why I didn't make this a private journal from the start was knowing how much reading other people's journals meant to me, so if there was a chance that anything I had to say would mean anything to anyone, I had to do it. Put it out there. Humbling though it might be.

Thanks for all the times you've commented, by the way. It always means a great deal to me, even when I forget to say so. :)

Re:

[chicklet.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for keeping your journal public. Of course I hope that you don't feel pressured to reveal things you'd rather keep private, but I really love reading the lovely things you write; you always say just what I feel, except that you say it more eloquently than I ever could.

As for comments, I always feel like I should leave you more of them, but I never know quite what to say. I appreciate the things you've said in my journal so very much!

Hope you're having a good day!

-Hillary