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my bitter hands, they hold broken glass of what was everything
Ohhhh god, I love this song. It's all Linsey's fault, that I like this angsty male music.
It's either too hot or too cold. No in-between. I don't know why, but it's rather strange.
So I am rereading The Handmaid's Tale, and then I'm going to reread 1984, and then Fahrenheit 451. Strange that Bradbury seems to be the only one who believed that the apocalypse, or the equivalent, was an improvement on the mutations of his imagined society. Then again give me a world without books and I'd beg for an apocalypse too.
In other words, I'm into reading darkly imagined worlds and futures. It makes me feel better about my own.
Post-colonization X-Files fic is a good source of that stuff, too. God, I've turned into a fandom slut. I can't deal with Roswell anymore but it's fun to flirt with others. No attachments, though. My days of ridiculous delirious obsession are past.
Really.
No, really.
Okay, fine. I don't believe me, either.
More established fandoms are fun, though. Like Buffy. And, shit, The X-Files is a veritable paradise of amazing writing. Probably because its audience has a higher percentage of adults. Who, subsequently, know how to write.
And how to angst. Beautifully.
God. I don't know why the fuck I do this. Why I get off on misery sometimes. And, well, not just figuratively, either.
I think I could get into s & m. I think I could get into it very, very easily.
I don't know why everyone dismisses my theory of my split personality disorder. Or, in my case perhaps, simply a Gemini disorder. I am a study of extremes. I am gentle and I am hard. I am kind and I am hurtful. I have days of trees and wind and beauty and clouds, and I have days like this.
Sometimes I'm scared by the thoughts in my head. Not because I would act on them. But because I could. Anybody could. With only an intangible invisible conscience to allow for that distinction. And, for some people, inexistent, and I guess they are the ones that do.
I'm scared of the things I'm capable of. The things everybody's capable of. The things I sometimes almost not quite want to do.
Humanity is a very scary thing.
It's either too hot or too cold. No in-between. I don't know why, but it's rather strange.
So I am rereading The Handmaid's Tale, and then I'm going to reread 1984, and then Fahrenheit 451. Strange that Bradbury seems to be the only one who believed that the apocalypse, or the equivalent, was an improvement on the mutations of his imagined society. Then again give me a world without books and I'd beg for an apocalypse too.
In other words, I'm into reading darkly imagined worlds and futures. It makes me feel better about my own.
Post-colonization X-Files fic is a good source of that stuff, too. God, I've turned into a fandom slut. I can't deal with Roswell anymore but it's fun to flirt with others. No attachments, though. My days of ridiculous delirious obsession are past.
Really.
No, really.
Okay, fine. I don't believe me, either.
More established fandoms are fun, though. Like Buffy. And, shit, The X-Files is a veritable paradise of amazing writing. Probably because its audience has a higher percentage of adults. Who, subsequently, know how to write.
And how to angst. Beautifully.
God. I don't know why the fuck I do this. Why I get off on misery sometimes. And, well, not just figuratively, either.
I think I could get into s & m. I think I could get into it very, very easily.
I don't know why everyone dismisses my theory of my split personality disorder. Or, in my case perhaps, simply a Gemini disorder. I am a study of extremes. I am gentle and I am hard. I am kind and I am hurtful. I have days of trees and wind and beauty and clouds, and I have days like this.
Sometimes I'm scared by the thoughts in my head. Not because I would act on them. But because I could. Anybody could. With only an intangible invisible conscience to allow for that distinction. And, for some people, inexistent, and I guess they are the ones that do.
I'm scared of the things I'm capable of. The things everybody's capable of. The things I sometimes almost not quite want to do.
Humanity is a very scary thing.