i just want to know a better life before i die

[ivyology]

After great pain, a formal feeling comes--
The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs--
The still Heart questions was it He, that bore,
And Yesterday, or Centuries before?

The Feet mechanical, go round--
Of Ground, or Air, or Ought--
A Wooden way
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment, like a stone--

This is the Hour of Lead--
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow--
First--Chill--then Stupor--then the letting go--

(-Emily Dickinson, 1862)