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When my father and I spend time together, we have about 3:4 odds of of spending at least part of that time fighting bitterly. I think the relative peace of parents' weekend tipped the scales a bit and so I can expect us to get along again in, oh, March.
I fully accept my share of the blame; he and I are difficult people in all the same ways and this just does not mesh well. And though I know he means well, I very much do not want to discuss My Career Plans (seeing as I have none) or what courses I should be taking to best sell myself in the future. (Is it just me, or is all such terminology rather whorish?)
And again, I know it's me as much as him; put the word "career" in a sentence in reference to my life and I break out in hives. Which is wrong. Isn't it wrong? It feels like it should be wrong. It seems like I should want to suceed succeed succeed! and achieve achieve achieve! and trailblaze and make the world a better place and give back to the old Smith alma mater, but I don't. Sometimes I want to stand on Chapin lawn and scream this. I am not motivated. I am not driven. I truly am wasting money on an overpriced education. (And just how sensitive a subject was my father touching on? Must admit, that one really *wasn't* his fault.)
Fuck it fuck it fuck it. We all make mistakes. Going tremendously into debt for a wonderful college that, for whatever reason, I've never been able to appreciate, is mine.
Other news:
+ No matter what I say it's *really* about, my father will remain convinced that any argument we have stems from the perceived hatred of him on my part due to his role in the tragic destruction of our family unit. Which is really just another example of his stunning ability to make anything and everything all about him.
+ Despite never having missed an episode in the 3+ years it's been on, I'm quitting Felicity. The show does not deserve my misguided loyalty, and The West Wing is just far too appealing an alternative.
+ My mother is a saint. She also spoils me terribly. I do not deserve her amazingness.
It's officially Thanksgiving and I could care less.
I fully accept my share of the blame; he and I are difficult people in all the same ways and this just does not mesh well. And though I know he means well, I very much do not want to discuss My Career Plans (seeing as I have none) or what courses I should be taking to best sell myself in the future. (Is it just me, or is all such terminology rather whorish?)
And again, I know it's me as much as him; put the word "career" in a sentence in reference to my life and I break out in hives. Which is wrong. Isn't it wrong? It feels like it should be wrong. It seems like I should want to suceed succeed succeed! and achieve achieve achieve! and trailblaze and make the world a better place and give back to the old Smith alma mater, but I don't. Sometimes I want to stand on Chapin lawn and scream this. I am not motivated. I am not driven. I truly am wasting money on an overpriced education. (And just how sensitive a subject was my father touching on? Must admit, that one really *wasn't* his fault.)
Fuck it fuck it fuck it. We all make mistakes. Going tremendously into debt for a wonderful college that, for whatever reason, I've never been able to appreciate, is mine.
Other news:
+ No matter what I say it's *really* about, my father will remain convinced that any argument we have stems from the perceived hatred of him on my part due to his role in the tragic destruction of our family unit. Which is really just another example of his stunning ability to make anything and everything all about him.
+ Despite never having missed an episode in the 3+ years it's been on, I'm quitting Felicity. The show does not deserve my misguided loyalty, and The West Wing is just far too appealing an alternative.
+ My mother is a saint. She also spoils me terribly. I do not deserve her amazingness.
It's officially Thanksgiving and I could care less.
Why you no like Felicity anymore (in Javiar voice)