ivyology: (scientist scully)
ivyology ([personal profile] ivyology) wrote2002-06-21 03:40 pm

while every line speaks the language of love it never held the meaning i was thinking of

My father stole my Beth Orton cd in March and I finally have it back. This is good. "Stolen Car" is one of those songs I'll hear when I'm ninety-two, and smile.

My "vacation" is almost over, which means there's only ten weeks left before the summer ends. I hate to wish this summer away when I'll only want it to slow down again when senior year starts; I can't seem to help it, though. I am antsy.

I met with people I'll be working with this morning. I am significantly less scared. But I found out I have to attend at least one three-hour training session, and possibly a whole week of them. *This* annoys me greatly, because they're from 6:30-9:30 all next week, and first weeks are stressful and hellish enough without added work and stress. I'm not a counselor anyway. I'm a freaking assistant, and I am *unpaid*. One night of training is fine, I'd actually appreciate some overview although I think Georgia could fill me in perfectly well. But if I have to attend the whole thing, most of which I doubt will apply to my situation, I'll be distinctly pissed.

Lately, I've been contemplating living in San Francisco. I really have no idea why. It's kind of cliche, to be honest. I think I'm just feeling curious about trying out city life for awhile, and San Francisco always seemed to be the only city I'd be able to stand living in.

I could afford it, if I shared an apartment. There're a lot of publishing houses in San Francisco - not that I'm headed in that direction, necessarily. I'd resent renting, though, which has always been one of my biggest concerns about city life. It's silly and unrealistic but I always view renting as throwing money away. At least with a mortgage you're working towards something you'll eventually *own*. But that assumes you'll stay in that one place forever. I don't want to do that yet.

That's what I say, anyway.

Of course, even if I feel absofuckinglutely in love with San Francisco and *never*ever* wanted to leave, it's not like I'd ever be able to afford to buy a house there. *Ha*.

So what if it's cliche, really? It's actually rather sensible. A major city is where my best chances are of finding decent employment I'd potentially enjoy, and San Francisco's the only major city I'd even consider.

What's frightening is that it's perfectly reasonable - expected, even - for me to be considering such things. These are decisions I have to make *soon*.

Lord.